Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I'm not dead...
just a bad blogger, and look, I'll save you the paragraphs and paragraphs of self pity at my current state in life. Also, blogger is really acting up today in a bad way.
What I will do is point you to this:
Jane Magazine is apparently having some sort of contest(?) to get Sarah, some cute and perky 29-year-old alleged virgin laid. Distasteful? Yes. But the best part is checking out the current contenders of lovely lads Sarah will get to spend some time with.
Contender #1: George isn't bad looking, claims to make a decent salary, has a shit-eating grin.
Contender #2: Awwwwwwwwww yeah! Joe here is the reason I even bothered blogging about this nonsense! Not only does he look like a classic douchebag, but his account of his first time just tells you...this guy is all about the romance! "She was older, hot and very aggressive. What really makes it a great "first time" story is that she was deaf. Maybe that's why she was being so loud...she couldn't hear herself yelping and moaning." OMG, Sarah, this is the man for you!!!
Contender #3: Dan, currently reading "The Little Prince," which is endearing but otherwise seems pretty boring.
Contender #4: Jason, from the "Hunter S. Thompson" school of fashion. Tells Penthouse fantasy version of virginity loss. Claims to have deflowered one woman, but "she was a delicate flower, and nothing broke." Ick.
Contender #5: Daniel. Strangely intense-looking, and not in a good way. Probably thinks he's showing off his eyes, but he's giving me serial killer vibes. Plays the bagpipes, though, so there's a point in his favor.
Contender #6: (Jesus Christ, how many of them do they have?) Noam, an attractive, boring neurologist.
Contender #7: Dustin, so far Joe's only real competition in sleazy douchebaggery. Pictured with beer, natch. His strategy to put her at ease for her first time? "Get us drunk." Rock on!
Contender #8: Evan. Oh no. Just...no.
Contender #9: Diego. His pic is a little too dark for my work monitor, but my work monitor sucks. Craziest thing that's ever happened to him? "Date rapist had the same name as me." Hm.
Contender #10: David. Craziest thing that's ever happened to him? "A hot girl once made out with me on a bed." Whatever, he's so totally a virgin too.
There are apparently THOUSANDS of men applying for the position of "virgin surgeon" in the public eye, but I'll only address one more...
Contender #11: Mike, who would clearly be a good time.
I'm not sure how much I'm going to keep up with this process of elimination for poor Sarah, as it makes me feel as though I'm going to revisit my lunch in an unpleasant way, but kudos to her for volunteering to lose her virginity in what is quite possibly the skeeviest and most humiliating way EVER.
--karen
What I will do is point you to this:
Jane Magazine is apparently having some sort of contest(?) to get Sarah, some cute and perky 29-year-old alleged virgin laid. Distasteful? Yes. But the best part is checking out the current contenders of lovely lads Sarah will get to spend some time with.
Contender #1: George isn't bad looking, claims to make a decent salary, has a shit-eating grin.
Contender #2: Awwwwwwwwww yeah! Joe here is the reason I even bothered blogging about this nonsense! Not only does he look like a classic douchebag, but his account of his first time just tells you...this guy is all about the romance! "She was older, hot and very aggressive. What really makes it a great "first time" story is that she was deaf. Maybe that's why she was being so loud...she couldn't hear herself yelping and moaning." OMG, Sarah, this is the man for you!!!
Contender #3: Dan, currently reading "The Little Prince," which is endearing but otherwise seems pretty boring.
Contender #4: Jason, from the "Hunter S. Thompson" school of fashion. Tells Penthouse fantasy version of virginity loss. Claims to have deflowered one woman, but "she was a delicate flower, and nothing broke." Ick.
Contender #5: Daniel. Strangely intense-looking, and not in a good way. Probably thinks he's showing off his eyes, but he's giving me serial killer vibes. Plays the bagpipes, though, so there's a point in his favor.
Contender #6: (Jesus Christ, how many of them do they have?) Noam, an attractive, boring neurologist.
Contender #7: Dustin, so far Joe's only real competition in sleazy douchebaggery. Pictured with beer, natch. His strategy to put her at ease for her first time? "Get us drunk." Rock on!
Contender #8: Evan. Oh no. Just...no.
Contender #9: Diego. His pic is a little too dark for my work monitor, but my work monitor sucks. Craziest thing that's ever happened to him? "Date rapist had the same name as me." Hm.
Contender #10: David. Craziest thing that's ever happened to him? "A hot girl once made out with me on a bed." Whatever, he's so totally a virgin too.
There are apparently THOUSANDS of men applying for the position of "virgin surgeon" in the public eye, but I'll only address one more...
Contender #11: Mike, who would clearly be a good time.
I'm not sure how much I'm going to keep up with this process of elimination for poor Sarah, as it makes me feel as though I'm going to revisit my lunch in an unpleasant way, but kudos to her for volunteering to lose her virginity in what is quite possibly the skeeviest and most humiliating way EVER.
--karen
# posted by karen gsteiger @ 1:33 PM 
